The Saga of Darren Shan
16 years ago
Showing posts with label Car. Show all posts
BUMPER STICKERS FOR WOMEN
Friday, August 21, 2009
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG.
6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE... WHO CARES?
12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
13. AND YOUR POINT IS?
14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.
18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
The Beautiful and a Bungler
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This morning on the freeway to work,
I looked over to my left and there was
A beautiful Woman
In a brand new Cadillac
Doing 65 mph
With her Face up next to her rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked just away
For a couple seconds!
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane
With flashing signal,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare that easy.
But she scared the hell out of me
That I dropped my electric shaver,
Which knocked
The breakfast of donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel, it knocked
My cell phone
Away from my ear which fell
Into the coffee
Between my legs,
Splashed, and burned
My pride big Jim and the twins balls,
Ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants,
And disconnected an important business call.
