The Saga of Darren Shan
16 years ago
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
WORK Virus
Friday, August 21, 2009
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Weary-Overload- Recreational- Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store.
Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating- Neutralizer- Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer -Elimination- Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected...
Difference between appraisal and resignation
A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"
Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation
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In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
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In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
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During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
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There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
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Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
The Beautiful and a Bungler
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This morning on the freeway to work,
I looked over to my left and there was
A beautiful Woman
In a brand new Cadillac
Doing 65 mph
With her Face up next to her rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked just away
For a couple seconds!
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane
With flashing signal,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare that easy.
But she scared the hell out of me
That I dropped my electric shaver,
Which knocked
The breakfast of donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel, it knocked
My cell phone
Away from my ear which fell
Into the coffee
Between my legs,
Splashed, and burned
My pride big Jim and the twins balls,
Ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants,
And disconnected an important business call.
Casual Day
A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.
Week 1
Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3
Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.
Week 6
Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.
Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.
Week 18
Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.
Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued
